


Questing Ironically

by slauthor



Category: Trials and Trebuchets (Podcast)
Genre: Cartoon Mischief, Dogs, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Spiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:41:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28798548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slauthor/pseuds/slauthor
Summary: Delnys and Ainsley are bad influences on each other.
Relationships: Zara & Ainsley & Penny & Delnys
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	Questing Ironically

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place at some point between episodes 43 and 72

They were almost ready to meet the prototype of their golem. Ever so slowly, ever so carefully, Ainsley approached their circuitry with an Atlantean Power Core in tweezers.

“...So they said that if I was going somewhere evil spirits might be I should bring a mountain garlic potion,” Delnys said to Penny.

“What’s with evil spirits and garlic anyway?” asked Penny.

“Most of them are allergic,” said Delnys.

Ainsley turned his whole body towards them to say, “ _Actually,_ that’s a common misconception. Since garlic is high in sulphur—” In his frustration he unconsciously clenched his fist, cracking the power core and spilling blue-green shimmering goop onto the floor of the Raethrans’ garage. “Shit! I’m sorry! Augh, I’m such an idiot!”

“No, no, it’s not all your fault. We should’ve been more careful not to distract you,” said Penny.

“Yeah! It was an accident,” said Zara, rubbing his back. “Let’s not cry over spilled… 2,000 gold ancient technology…” The four of them collectively groaned.

Ainsley examined the core’s shell, turning it over in his hand. “You know who knows a lot about small round objects?” he said softly.

Delnys giggled. “I got a glass eye somewhere in my drawers. Think Teb would trade us for it?”

“Ooh, or maybe one of those tomato pin cushions?” said Ainsley.

“Do you still have one of those… what are they called… one of those toys that wibbles and wobbles but doesn’t fall down?” said Delnys.

Penny shook her head, smiling. “You make a deal with that guy and you’re gonna end up at the bottom of a ravine somewhere.”

“I know! I was joking,” said Delnys.

“Yeah!” said Ainsley. “...So was I!”

“Oookay,” said Penny. The rest of the evening passed uneventfully with the four of them doing homework in the Raethrans’ library.

Later that week, Ainsley and Delnys were heading out of the dining hall when Ainsley took something out of his pocket to show her.

“I swiped this for Teb,” he whispered.

“Oh my god,” she said, covering her smile. “He’s not gonna take that!”

“Are you saying you don’t want to see his reaction?” he asked.

Seeing as she followed him to the Reliquary, that is certainly not what she was saying.

“Hey, Teb? You here?” called Ainsley, climbing into his cove.

Teb tossed aside his jaw harp and came up to them.

“You wouldn’t happen to know where a couple of young intellectuals such as ourselves could get our hands on an Atlantean Power Core, would you?” asked Ainsely.

“I have no idea what that is,” said Teb.

“They look like that,” said Delnys, pointing to the Atlantean Power Core sitting on top of the overflowing bin that was his sphere collection.

“Ah!” Teb took it in his hands, admiring its opalescent sheen. “Sorry, this is the only one I know about.”

“I thought you might say that. Fortunately for you I’m looking to make a trade,” said Ainsley, pulling something out of his pocket.

Teb narrowed his eye. “That is an egg.”

“Sure is! A one of a kind egg from the finest, um…” Embarrassingly, Ainsley hadn’t thought this far ahead. He had kind of hoped Teb would see all small round objects as carrying equal value innately. “Y’know what, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I thought you would want this.”

“No, I’ll take it,” said Teb, reaching out with an open palm. “You can’t have the core though.”

“Oh. Sure,” said Ainsley, handing it over. The nothic ate it in one bite, shell and all. “But uh, hypothetically speaking, is there anything you _would_ trade it for?”

“Any small round objects in particular you’ve had your eye on?” asked Delnys.

Teb thought about this for an uncomfortably long time, during which Ainsley and Delnys nestled into a couple piles of pillows he had in place of chairs, then Teb went rummaging through his belongings. He returned with a pouch, placing it on a table before them. “Now, I know what you’re thinking. ‘Teb, that’s just a bag of holding!’ That’s what I thought when I bought it, but I was scammed! This thing’s broken. It’s a portal to The Misplace.”

“The Misplace?” asked Delnys.

“Oh, you know. The forest where things go to get lost,” said Teb. Ainsley and Delnys shrugged at each other. “Anyway, not knowing what I’d done, I slipped a rubber ball with a toy tiger into it, never to be seen again.”

“And that’s… what you would trade for a power core?” asked Delnys. 

“It was the only arcade prize I’ve ever won in my entire life,” said Teb.

“I can relate to that,” said Delnys.

Teb looked at them expectantly.

“That’s really cool Teb, but like I said it was just hypothetical,” said Ainsley.

“A shame. Look at me, I’ve been telling you my tale of woe and I haven’t even offered you tea,” said Teb, rising to his feet.

Delnys said, “Oh, you don’t have to—“

“I don’t get a lot of company, let me have this,” said Teb, heading for the kitchen.

Left to their own devices, Delnys and Ainsley took a closer look at the bag.

“So… hypothetically. All we would have to do is go in there and find it and we’d get our core,” said Ainsley.

“Yep. We’d just have to go galavanting through another dimension we’d never heard of before. In theory,” said Delnys.

“It really is too bad that we’d never do a thing like that,” said Ainsley.

Delnys turned away from the bag, slipped a ribbon off of her wrist and brought it behind her hair as if to tie it back, instead letting it slip through her fingers into the bag.

“Oh no! Ainsley, I dropped my ribbon into the bag!” said Delnys.

“How embarrassing! How ever will you tie your hair back now?” said Ainsley.

“The only way I’d ever see that ribbon again is if we went in there!” said Delnys.

“What an unfortunate happenstance!” said Ainsley, taking a giggling Delnys by the hand and jumping into the bag.

On the other side, they found themselves plummeting through mist. Delnys covered her eyes, like if she couldn’t see the ground it couldn’t hurt her. Ainsley grabbed her by the waist with one hand, and with the other unfolded an umbrella he’d had sheathed on his hip, slowing their descent. A few feet off the ground, he let Delnys down gently, folded the umbrella and landed like a superhero. All around them for as far as the eye could see were tree trunks made of keys topped with foliage of unmatched socks. Ainsley plucked a yardstick out of the ground to walk with and off they went exploring. Delnys noticed something fuzzy moving around up ahead of them.

“Is that… a dog?” she asked.

Hearing this, the Saint Bernard bounded towards them, tackling Ainsley to the ground. Delnys burst into giggles.

“Hey, hey, down, boy! Down! Get off me!” said Ainsley, futilely attempting to evade the tongue coming for his face. Pushing back on its chest, Ainsley noticed it had a collar. “Parson Brown…” he read.

“Wait, _pets_ can end up here?” said Delnys. She made a distressed noise.

Ainsley finally managed to get to his feet. “Don’t worry, we’ll come back for him. At least we can contact his owners, right?”

“Good thinking,” said Delnys. She took a notepad out of her pocket and wrote down the information on his collar.

Scanning the ground, Ainsley found a cluster of slippers against the base of a tree. He plucked one out and chucked it with all his might. “Ok, let’s get going before he notices,” he said, watching Parson Brown chase after it. They ran through a tunnel made out of an enormous paperback book.

“Hang on,” said Delnys, sticking out her arm to stop Ainsley. She walked back into the tunnel to get a closer look at the pages. There were several parts underlined in pencil that, when you read them together, said _she would… find herself almost feeling… pale with rage… it’s a good thing… your enemies… would rather… r… u… n…_ “Unbelievable. This is literally _my_ book! I have been looking for this since I was _twelve_!”

“Aw, I’m sorry Delnys,” said Ainsley, patting her shoulder. “It’s one with the forest now.”

Delnys grumbled under her breath as they walked back through the tunnel. They fell into a rhythm weaving around a sea of knit glove ferns. The cool breeze through the treetops filled the air with the scent of copper and linen. A gentle lull came over their conversations until something caught Ainsley’s eye that made him stop dead in his tracks. He backed up, instictually ducking behind Delnys. “I think I found your bow,” he said, pointing with a shaky hand at a piano bench sized tarantula sporting Delnys’ ribbon on its head.

She gasped, covering her mouth with both her hands. “It’s so _cute._ ”

Ainsley looked back and forth between the beast and his friend. “Are you serious right now?”

“Hey, don’t be rude! That was somebody’s pet once!” said Delnys.

“Right, right, of course. How do you lose a tarantula??” said Ainsley.

“You forget to cherish them!” said Delnys.

“Alright. Be that as it may, that’s only half of what we came here for so let’s circle back to that,” he said.

“If you’re avoiding them for now because you’re scared it’s ok to just say that,” she said.

“I know, but I’m not,” he said.

“I’m not judging,” she said.

They hopped over a misty stream using lunchboxes as platforms and holding on to each other's arms to keep steady. Ainsley considered stopping to fish out the coins at the bottom of the water, but he didn’t want to fall into the rapids. When they came to a clearing where some teddy bears were having a picnic, Delnys crouched down to ask if they’d seen what she and Ainsley were looking for. The large corduroy bear cocked its head at her. When she tried to explain what a tiger is, the bears looked at each other, grabbed their picnic and bolted.

“Oh… was it something I said?” said Delnys.

“They probably don’t even know Common,” said Ainsley.

The little pink gingham bear ran back in their direction and hid behind a tree. Peeking its head out from behind it, the bear stuck one paw straight out.

“That way?” asked Delnys, pointing in the same direction. 

The little bear nodded and scampered off after its friends. Following its directions, eventually they heard a mighty growling. They pushed away branches to reveal a clearing at the edge of the forest overlooking a ravine. The tiger ball, a rubber-encased, life sized tiger of cartoonish proportions unbefitting of its voice, prowled its territory like a hamster in a ball. Ainsley and Delnys hid behind a pocket watch sticking out of the ground.

“Well, at least we tried,” whispered Delnys.

“Don’t give up now! If we can just trap the tiger, I bet we can come up with something from there,” whispered Ainsley.

“Okay… trap it how?” she asked.

Ainsley bit his thumb in contemplation. At last, he pushed up his glasses with a grin and reached into his satchel. “My shock gloves have never let me down before. I’ll sneak up and paralyze it!” he said.

Delnys had to bury her face in her lap to keep from laughing. “Ten gold says you won’t do it.”

One shotgunned boldness spell and a rocky-talkie call later, Delnys said, “Hey, Penny?”

“Delnys! Haven’t been able to get a hold of you in a minute. Are you in a good place?” asked Penny.

“Oh, am I… Funny you should… What, you mean, emotionally? Physically?” said Delnys.

“In general I guess,” said Penny.

“Emotionally I’ve been in a pretty good place! The botany club wanted my help with this project where they’re repopulating an endangered species of flowers using dead samples, so I’ve just been busy. But it’s a good busy!”

“Good, good!”

“Physically? I am at the bottom of a ravine. ...In an extraplanar forest. ...In Teb’s busted bag of holding.”

“DELNYS, LEAD WITH THAT!”

“Sorry! Penny? ...Penny? Oh…” Delnys reluctantly slipped the sending stone back into her pocket.

“Hey, you did a good thing. You kept _me_ from having to tell her I forgot how rubber and electricity interact for a hot second,” said Ainsley.

Delnys chuckled. “You would be dead where you stand.”

“We would’ve found out how far a Baleful Glare can really travel,” he said.

“You never would’ve seen the light of day,” she said.

They heaved a mirthful sigh, and for a moment they were at peace. Then Ainsley grabbed her arm and said, “Seriously though, we have to get out of here _now_.”

“What? Why?” she said.

“She’s gonna realize that it was my idea to come here, which means I put you in danger!” he said.

“Ainsley, I was the one who dropped my ribbon in here to goad _you_ into it,” she said.

He laughed incredulously. “That’s great! I’m sure she’ll love to hear all about that _after_ she suggests that I faceplant myself.” He got up and started to pace. “I should’ve packed more potions. I’m not sure what I can throw together on the fly.”

“On the fly…” Delnys repeated to herself. “Ainsley, how does your umbrella work?”

“I appreciate the thought, Delnys, but asking me about my brilliant inventions to cheer me up won’t work this time,” he said.

“No, seriously. How does it work?” she asked.

He raised an eyebrow at her. “It’s enchanted with Feather Fall.”

Delnys reached out her hands. “I apologize in advance for what I am about to attempt,” she said.

“If it gets us out of here we’ll call it even,” he said.

With some effort, Delnys pushed on the spokes of the umbrella until it was inside out. She jumped experimentally, but was still taken off guard when she began to ascend. “Ainsley, hurry!” she said. He grabbed on tight to her legs before she could get completely out of range, and slowly but surely they were both lifted back up to where they came from.

“Brilliant, Delnys! You really saved us!” he said.

“Sup,” said Penny.

“AH! how’d you get here so fast?” said Ainsley. He was freed from this one sided staredown by the sight of a white haired dwarf stumbling out of the forest. “Are you okay, Zara?”

Picking a few pencil shards out of her hair, Zara said, “Thank you, Ainsley. I’ll be fine. You left your boots of haste in my room, so Penny grabbed them before we left and I held on to her while standing on my shield. Plus we took a few shortcuts…” she gestured to the straight line of broken shrubs and upended trinkets behind her.

“My god,” Ainsley whispered.

“‘My god’ is right! What the hell were you thinking?!” said Penny.

“Hey! Knock it off! In the end I was the one who pushed for us to come here,” said Delnys.

Penny sputtered. “Why would you _do_ that?”

Delnys took her by the shoulders and turned her in the direction of the other side of the ravine. There she saw a misty waterfall stretching up through the mist in the air such that it seemed like water was cascading from the sky. “Have you ever seen anything like that on campus?” she asked. She felt some of the tension leave Penny’s body.

“You know, if you wanted an I Spy book I could’ve just got you one,” said Penny. For that, she was rewarded with a gentle smile from Delnys. “I guess you could call this a pocket dimension,” Penny mumbled under her breath. Her friends cheered for her joining in on the fun. “Okay, don’t push your luck.”

Ainsley cleared his throat and said, “We came here to catch a tiger so Teb will trade us his Atlantean Power Core. And yes, I failed miserably on my last attempt, but all four of us are here now, so I know we can pull it off! ...Please?” He had his hands together.

Caught between the pleading gazes of Delnys and Ainsley and a curious smirk from Zara, Penny sighed. “Alright. We’re already here, so… what did you have in mind?”

* * *

Atop a tattered notebook in the forest, the tiger ball was awoken from its slumber by a tiny light darting around its face. It tried to pounce, but when it rolled off where it had been, there was nothing there. The tiger ball repeated this attempt a few times, but though the light was too fast to be caught, it wasn’t fast enough to stop the tiger from spotting its source: Ainsley. He dropped the flashlight and ran, but he knew his speed would be no match for the beast. Just before things got ugly, Penny whistled at them with her fingers in her mouth for maximum volume.

“Hey! Hairball!” she called. “Were you blind when you were born? Cause after seeing that dopey face you make when you’re not sure if you wanna keep growling or not I wish I’d been!” And with that, she took off towards the clearing.

The tiger ball didn’t understand a word she said, but it took offense none the less. It let loose a thunderous roar before charging after her. Thanks to her boots of haste, Penny wasn’t immediately caught, but the tiger was gaining on her fast. With a few feet left to spare, she leapt into the air, where Delnys levitated her safely out of its range. Unable to stop its rolling momentum, the tiger ball stumbled into a hole in the ground Zara had carved out earlier with a glyph.

“Kiss shot!” said Ainsley.

“I think that’s just a pocket?” said Zara.

“Mm, maybe? I don’t actually play pool,” said Ainsley.

Delnys shrunk it down to its original size. 

“There. I might have to whip something up to keep it that way once we’re back, but that should do for now,” said Ainsley.

Penny scooped it up off the ground. With its reduced size, the growls and roars it was making at her no longer seemed incongruent with its appearance. She stared, mesmerized with the little creature.

“Guess it’s time to get this little guy home, huh?” said Zara.

“Um, if you don’t mind making a detour first, you know that ribbon I wear around my wrist sometimes? I… dropped it in here on accident. On purpose. Can you help me find it?” asked Delnys.

“Yes, of course!” said Zara, casting Locate Object. “Huh, feels like it’s on the move.”

“Yeah! We last saw it… on top of a giant tarantula?” said Delnys. Her friends visibly tensed up. “It’s ok if you don’t want to…”

“No, we’ll get you your ribbon,” said Penny. “Right, guys?” Zara and Ainsley gave her hesitant smiles.

“Delnys, you face situations that scare you all the time. How do you do it?” asked Zara.

Delnys had to stop and think about that. “I guess… I’ve always had someone to lean on,” she said, a little ashamed. “I only get by because of people who let me depend on them.”

“That sounds like a perfectly good strategy to me,” said Zara, taking her hand.

Relief and gratitude washed over Delnys. Penny took her other hand, looking at the ground.

“Yes, good thinking! As your fearless leader, you can rely on me,” said Ainsley, hands shaking so hard he could barely adjust his glasses. Zara giggled and held out her free hand for him. He took it without complaint.

With Zara and her honing spell leading the way, going back through the forest didn’t take as long as it had for Ainsley and Delnys to get through it the first time. When Zara gave her a heads up that they were almost there, Delnys was able to turn them all invisible since they were already linked up. Penny began to softly recite a bedtime poem, but when she saw the spider walk, her throat closed up in terror. Delnys gave her hand a squeeze and rested her head on her shoulder. She took a deep breath. On her second try she finished the poem, and her dulcet words wrapped around the giant, putting it to sleep. Ainsley cast Mage Hand to pluck the ribbon off and hand it back to Delnys.

“Do you think there’s any way we could give them back to their owner?” whispered Delnys. Her teammates stayed silent, not wanting to break it to her.

“I can look into it, but… probably not,” said Zara.

Delnys walked up to the spider and bowed slightly. “I’ll come visit you,” she said. The tarantula had no response to this, as it was asleep, but also as it was a tarantula.

**Author's Note:**

> Parson Brown has since been reunited with his family.


End file.
